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Interview: Andy Part 1

Solace: hello folks, old solace here getting ready to interview Andy. How are we doing?

Andy: just fine, thank you. How about yourself?

S: splendid, thank you for asking. How has the cabin been treating you?

A: oh you know, I am used to a larger gallery space, but when all else fails use the ceiling.

S: truer words have not been spoken.

A: apart from everything that has ever been true. I have a problem with that saying, how can something be truer than true.

S: Andy…

A: no hear me out. Is it like the difference with a lie and a fib? One is worse than the other. Would a truth be better or worse than a truther? It is true I like your dress Agatha but it is truther that I think it would look better on me you cow.

S: Andy…

A: or is it more like “Carl it is true I like your music, but it is truther that I think you should have won a Grammy by now. Know what I mean.

S: God no! I haven’t got the faintest what you’re talking about.

A: well someone should have passed on the pleasantries and asked a real question.

S: (raises an eyebrow)

A: (whispers) you, Solace Arrives, ate my Chinese food… mortal enemies is what we are now.

S: I ate the shrimp, you had egg drop.

A: ah, very well then friendliest of friends, please continue with this marvelous interview. Have I told you how beautiful you looked today, or ever… because you do?

S: Where were you born?

A: oh, I was born in an artist colony in California. I was no more than two minutes from the coast. My father was the sculptor Armando Ernesto Del Mar Morto, renowned for his elaborate Block Sculpts where he would carefully chisel two halves of a block of marble and seamlessly put them back together. This way the buyer can fill the cavity and have a beautiful sculpture of… I don’t know some guy filled it with cheese and had the cheesiest Venus de milo this side of Roam.

My mother was a painter, her name was Gloria Martha Christina De La Sbocciare. She is the reason artists use so much blue in every god damn thing. She painted a two hundred square feet of wall space with every shade of blue. The monochromatic pattern was only five feet in length repeated all around the room. It sold well, so there you go.

S: is the past tense on purpose?

A: yes.

S: I’m sorry to hear that.

A: it happens.

S: what about you, have any exemplary works hanging off some snobs wall?

A: I sold my first piece at three, opened my first gallery show at seven. Then it was all downhill from then on. I resorted to typography till I was sixteen just to make a living. Luckily the name Andrew Pablo Della Terra commanded some respect in the art world and I was able to get a job as an animator for Quasar Entertainment. I quit when I was twenty because they kept making me redo shots, something about continuity. I thought it would be nice to have a pirate ship battle a dinosaur in their film ‘Into the Black whole’…  since no one knows what happens on the other side I thought why the hell not.

S: why did you leave the colony?

A: there comes a time in a boy’s life when he becomes a man and the debt collectors can now legally send him bills directly. I decided to take the money I earned filling out pre-approved credit card forms and travel the world. I made it as far as Detroit before they blocked my funds. So I did the only sensible thing and got a job as a car dealer. I was good at it, too. By twenty two I had amassed a large fortune, well into the hundreds. With that I bought a plane ticket and headed off to Germany.

S: what did you find there?

A: Germans.

S: (face palm)

A: I also had the opportunity to learn the Germanic form of Blacksmithing. It was the most surreal experience of my life, mind you my teacher smoked a lot of opium. Regardless I made metal my bitch and loved every moment. Nothing beats a trip to the hardware store and finding another with similar scars and burns, and getting lost in argument about the proper temperature for half inch flat bar.

S: I hate to stop you but how about a brake?

A: good, now I want to pound some metal.

S: (raises an eyebrow)

A: shut up, you know what I meant.

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